How do you make your children obey you!?

Dear mother, the more you leave things to the child without a specific system and limits that must be adhered to and not crossed, the more the child will underestimate you and not take you into account. Therefore, do not think that you will lose your child’s love by holding on to the reins of affairs. Quite the opposite. In fact, our life with the child can be divided into two parts: The first is the part in which life is in its natural state, which is what I like to call the truce, where it exists between you and your child. A state of neither peace nor war that is not agreed upon in a text. The second is when the normal context is disturbed by some of the child’s wrong behaviors resulting from certain causes (which we will discuss later) and here the conflict begins! What is strange is that the part that mothers care about most is the second part, while if they think carefully, they will find that their knowledge of the first part may spare them from much of the undesirable behavior they suffer from from the child, so here, dear mother, are some tips and instructions that will help you in dealing with your child.

Part One: The time of the truce:

At this time, you must do the following:

1. Hug a lot, mention its characteristics, and tell him how much you love him and are proud of him.
2. Spend a lot of time Play the games he loves with him, and read books that serve the values you want to instill in your child.
3. Praise him in front of his father, family, and friends, as this stimulates his self-confidence and supports his relationship with you.
4. Practice worship with him; Such as prayer, reading the Qur’an, and giving charity. Encourage him to do it a lot, mention God’s blessings to him, and teach him to think about them.
5. Allocate a fixed time between you and him - preferably daily - in which you listen to his problems and help him solve them, and get to know what makes him happy the most and what hurts him the most, who are the people close to him?, the situations and events that he went through, and then explain them. He has some situations, and how to deal with them. It is preferable to accustom the child to this time from a young age, for example (3 years old), which is an appropriate age to start, as it closes the distance between you significantly, and also contributes to instilling a great deal of security in the child’s soul.

Part Two (Time of Conflict):

When your child makes a mistake, remember the following:

1. Set a set of rules and instructions that the child is not allowed to transgress and explain them to him, such as: no hitting Or swearing, asking permission before opening the door, and other important rules that you want to maintain in your home.
2. Choose the punishment that suits the situation, so do not exaggerate or be lenient with the situation, but act in a way that is appropriate for the mistake that occurred. Also, when choosing punishment, individual differences in children must be taken into account. What one child considers punishment may be a reward for another. For example, if you decide to punish your son by depriving him of going to swimming practice, he must be keen to attend and care about the matter, otherwise this will not be considered punishment.
3. Counting occurs after the threat and directly before implementing the punishment, where you count from one to three before you punish. It is useful in giving the child a period of time to undo his mistake, and it also makes him feel that the decision is in his hands and he is the one who chooses.
4. Stop threatening and start implementing, as I find many mothers stop at the threat stage, but her threat does not affect the child, because he has not tried it. Actual punishment, but he only tried it verbally, and we find that he does not believe his mother, belittles her, does not respect her, or take her into account.
5. Do not show the child that you are afraid or nervous about his behavior, but rather maintain your self-confidence and emotional calm, as they will build your child’s trust in you.
6. Do not threaten him with an unenforceable punishment. Some mothers fear punishment more than the child when they exaggerate the threat, which makes them stop at the threat stage, especially if they know that it is a threat that they will not be able to do. In fact, this is clearly apparent to the child and the threat becomes ineffective. You must choose a punishment that you can actually implement, so it is not just words with which you vent your anger. For example, do not threaten him not to go to his grandmother when you know that this is not possible.
7. Stay away from hitting or yelling at your child as a means of punishment, as it is ineffective in modifying behavior and is also a manifestation of weakness that drops you from your child’s eyes, and it also destroys the relationship between you.
8. When ignoring is used as a means of modifying behavior, the ignoring is for the behavior, not the child. For example, if your child throws himself on the ground and starts crying and screaming in objection to you not giving him something he wants, completely ignore the behavior, but you can try to find alternatives such as: Bring another toy or a book, and in the utmost calm tell him that you will join him in playing or reading. It is better to make him choose between two things so that his ego is satisfied. If he continues or increases in screaming, tell him that you are ready to play with him when he finishes crying. You are just here to tell him that crying It does not constitute a factor of pressure on you at all.

Know that by making the decision to punish, you will be the subject of the child’s test, as he will try in various ways to dissuade you from this decision, so beware of backing down, but remain consistent with his mistake or be lenient with him. He tells him that you are serious and will not be complacent. Written by: Ruqaya Magdy (adapted), psychologist. Source: muglatte.com